Not a Domestic Diva

I will never be Suzy Homemaker. I’ve always known that. I love Martha Stewart, but I don’t have the kind of patience needed for some of those projects.

 Rather than a frilly, pretty apron, mine is black and says, “We all have to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another glass of wine.” I’m a pretty good cook, not necessarily a great cook, but some things I do really well. My sour cream pound cake (a recipe from my grandmother) is legendary among our family and friends during the holidays. I don’t really even like pound cake, but it’s that good. Honestly, though, sometimes it’s just easier to make a package of break and bake cookies or pick up a pie from Publix. (The best grocery store bakery. Ever.) I don’t plan out a week’s worth of meals in advance because sometimes I’ll find I’m just not in the mood for what I’ve planned to make. My house is always clean, but sometimes can get a little messy. I think that’s how most people are, though.

I have noticed that quite a few other military wives love to show off their skills, and some of them have a really good reason to. I’ll never forget the day another military couple we knew asked us over to grill out. I don’t remember what we were having, but it was pretty standard grill fare and a few sides. Since I was a guest, I thanked the couple and complimented them on the meal.

To this, my husband thanked them also and added, “we’ll have to have you all over sometime.” Then the wife of the other couple looked at my husband sympathetically and said to me in a sweet voice, “You know, Lindsey, if you want I can show you my easy cookbooks.”

Seriously? What do you even say to that?

I was so taken aback at that comment I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to tell her that she had obviously not had the pleasure of trying my pound cake… But instead I added in an equally sweet tone, “Oh, thank you! I actually have quite a few easy cookbooks of my own at home.”

I may not be a domestic diva, but I do have some skills. What can I say? I like to keep people guessing :)

The truth about pilots

My husband really is not a fan of the film, Top Gun.  Don’t get him started on why “Goose wouldn’t have died”. You will lose. Aside from the inaccuracies about flying and the military, he hates the cheesy moments we all love about Top Gun.  He cringes whenever “you’ve lost that loving feeling” comes on the radio.

Last week, I understood how he feels, as I was inspired to write after seeing Green Lantern. I just had a hard time believing that the chick from Gossip Girl is a fighter pilot. I think the purple aliens are a little more believable. I watched an interview with her where she described her part in the film and she said, “We play like the 2 best fighter pilots in the world.” Seriously?

It got me thinking about some common misconceptions about pilots… So here goes:

-If you’ve played flight simulator on Play Station, you can land a plane- Eh, I guess it couldn’t hurt, but being a pilot takes tons of studying and practice. There’s all kinds of math that goes into it, and it just looks confusing. A large amount of people do not graduate from pilot training.

- Being a fighter pilot is glamorous- not really. Sure, it’s a pretty badass job to have, but fighter pilots get serious hemorrhoids. (Yes, you read that correctly.) Apparently to work with the high G forces they deal with there is a “straining maneuver” they have to use and they’re commonly treated for hemorrhoids as a result. Sexy, huh?

- Every pilot gets a cool call sign/ nickname- Nope, just fighter pilots and they’re not usually cool nicknames, like Maverick… Maybe more like Goose. They are generally a reminder of something embarrassing you did in pilot training. My husband doesn’t have a call sign because he’s a cargo pilot, but they did call him Milhouse (from The Simpsons) in pilot training because he wears glasses and always knows the answers. One example is, apparently there is a pilot who lost his ring finger in an accident and has the call sign “Shocker.” (No, I'm not going to explain it.) Other call signs can be pretty R rated and the thought of typing them here makes me blush.

- You get used to all things flying- not so much. You get pretty bad gas from all of the constant air pressure. This goes for everyone who flies, but military pilots spend a lot of time in the air. Also, on some planes, rather than having a bathroom, just have a closet with a tube and a bucket with a plastic liner. Clearly designed by a dude.

- Anyone can be a pilot- Again, not really. First off, the physical to just go to pilot training is intense! (They took 9 vials of blood, the thought of which, just makes me want to cry.) There are all kinds of crazy restrictions. Some are pretty common knowledge like vision requirements, but there are other weird ones like height restrictions. If you’ve ever been diagnosed with any chronic medical conditions, you’ll have to get all kinds of waivers to go to pilot training.

- Being a pilot takes you to exotic places- Only once in a while. Most of the major pilot training bases are in locations I never care to visit and some, I pray we’ll never have to go back to again. (I’m talking to you, Enid, Oklahoma!) Sure, once you’re a pilot you can go a few cool places, but sometimes it means yet another trip to the desert to drop off mattresses. You can count on being away pretty much all the time.

So pretty much, when it comes to pilots, if you’ve seen it in a movie, there’s a less glamorous side, I assure you. There are multiple other things I could comment on, but this entry would be quite long, so perhaps I’ll write more on this in the future. Special thanks to my husband for always making comments during movies with flight scenes that make me laugh… And for checking this entry for me, so I got my facts right :)

Opinions

“Your opinion, what is that? It’s just a different point of view,” – Your Winter by Sister Hazel (one of my favorite bands, also from the Sunshine State)

I meant to write this post a month ago, but due to more current events it got delayed.

May 14^th was our 6th wedding anniversary. It’s kind of hard to believe that it’s gone by so fast… I guess time does fly when you’re having fun! Although I will say, thanks to the military, our first 2 years of marriage were truly a test of how strong we are. They moved us 4 times in those 2 years and that was frustrating to say the least.

The funny thing about it all is, while some people made my life easier, others actually made this harder for us. Looking back, sure it was challenging moving and being apart, but aside from the military (and the 1 truly awful location), it was the comments from others that made life more difficult.

I’ve never been one of those women needs to be near my husband every waking moment and he’s never been one of those men who is helpless without his wife. It’s something people don’t seem to understand about us, but that’s alright.

When my husband was in pilot training, it was a very busy time for him. He was often shut up in a room studying and I felt useless because there was nothing I could really do. I would travel to Florida often and work at my old job from time to time. There were also times when he would be away for training classes and while I was allowed to go with him, it wasn’t encouraged.  Sure I’d visit if it was a training class that was a few months long, but I just didn’t see the point of staying there with nothing to do, especially when I could be doing something constructive.

People just didn’t get this. We both got a lot of comments, but especially me. Others thought there must be trouble in paradise when we were apart… And they were quick to ask me about it too! Sometimes it was funny to me that people who didn’t have to live my life had such an opinion, but mostly, it was just frustrating.

I would get asked questions that made me laugh like, “Who cooks for your husband when you’re not there?” and statements that would make me crazy like, “You know, Lindsey, one day you’ll have to choose between your career and your marriage.”

Once while my husband was away at a training class, I went to a dinner party. One of the guests probably had a little too much to drink and anytime I would mention my husband, she would yell over me, “You’re not really married! You’re faking it!” This got particularly awkward because everyone would stop and stare. Finally, tired of being interrupted, I explained he was in the military and away for a class. It shut her up, but I was so embarrassed. There are some friends who I stopped talking to altogether because they had such strong opinions.

 Interestingly enough, I know at least 5 other couples who were married the same year as us, who are no longer together. Maybe there is something to be said for the “weird” way we do things:)

For the record, I never had to choose. I even have a job with the company I love where I can utilize a home office. We’ve made some compromises, but that’s life. We’re happy and that’s what is important. Our life may not be perfect to other people, but that’s ok, they don’t have to live it… 6 years later, we’re still fine just the way we are.

Decision Made

Last week it felt like I said, “I don’t know, what do you think?” entirely too many times. I’m talking about my husband’s next military assignment. He was given a choice (which doesn’t happen often) and we agonized over it… All week. We laughed, I cried, we rationalized, and we made lists. It was exhausting. He had to have a decision in by last Friday so we discussed things for a few days and finally came to a decision…

We decided that it would be best if he took the pilot training assignment. It’s definitely not as nice a location as we are at now, but at least now we won’t have to wonder about things. I think what made this decision the hardest is that we really just wanted to stay where we are, unfortunately, they don’t let you do that. So we weighed the pros and cons over and over and here’s what we came up with.

The cons to this location are: it’s a small town and there’s not much there. (I will really miss the stellar shopping near my house!) It’s a little further from home for us- Home will always be Florida and while this location is still within a day’s driving distance it is further away. It’s far from the beach-  Now, I know that sounds picky of me, but I grew up in a place where you were no more than 45 minutes from the beach. It’s a weird thing I have. It’s also not the assignment we really wanted. Unfortunately, that  location doesn’t come down often, so our chances there were slim, anyway, but this was something we could both live with.

Here are the pros to this location: He won’t be gone as often! If you know me, you know I spend a lot of time alone. Aside from deployments, my husband frequently has to make lengthy trips. This means he’ll have more of a schedule and when he’s not deployed, he’ll actually be home. (I know, what a concept, right?) It means he won’t have to deploy with his squadron when they leave in October. (So it won’t be the 3^rd Christmas he’s missed in 4 years!)  He’ll have to go away for training, but at least that’s still in the United States. It’s a small town- but close to a few bigger cities, so I may have to drive a bit further to get what I want, but at least it’s not the middle of nowhere. I even have a few friends in the area… Granted, the closest is an hour away, but hey, that’s something! I might even make it to some away games for the Florida Gators:) It’s not Oklahoma! Nothing against Oklahoma, but I really didn’t enjoy the pilot training base there.

We thought about it and how often does the military ask if you want something? Not often. How often do you get to give the finger to the Assignment Gods? Almost never. Usually you roll the dice and take what you land on. It was kind of nice to be in control and make the decision for ourselves. He loves flying, but he is tired of always being gone. It will be nice to have him home more. It’s also just nice to know now. We spent so much time trying to figure it out that now a weight feels like it’s been lifted.  I just hope it was the right decision… If not, I suppose I can live with it for 3 or 4 years.

Decisions, Decisions

So this week’s entry was going to be about something else, but it seems that is a less current event, so it keeps getting pushed back. This one is about conflicted decisions. Please forgive me for being vague, I’m not sure how much information I should post here.

We’ve been pretty lucky over the last 6 years, out of 4 assignments, there is only 1 I could honestly never do again. We’re approaching the 4 year mark at the base my husband is currently stationed at. This means that there’s a good chance they’ll kick us out in January and we’ll be at the mercy of the assignment Gods. I have been dreading this. I love our current location. Not so much the fact that my husband is gone all the time and I’m left to deal with the overzealous wives, but I love the town we live in and our house.

As much as I don’t want to leave, it’s getting closer to decision time. My husband was hoping for a pilot training base for his next assignment and he had a particular one in mind. Last night, he told me it didn’t come down with the open pilot training assignments, so it’s probably not available for the fall cycle. The regular flight assignments for his plane have not come down yet, so we don’t know what’s available there. 

My husband’s commander called to ask if he wanted any of the pilot training assignments that did come down, one in particular. It’s in a small town but not Oklahoma (thank, God!) and it’s driving distance to our hometown, but further away than we are now. If he took this assignment, he would never get the pilot training assignment he really wants (because you usually only do 1 pilot training tour). It’s just not a very desirable location, but it could be worse. If we didn’t take it, he’d most likely be assigned another base with his current plane.

The good news with that is that there are 2 bases that we could live with that will most likely be offered… The bad news is that there are some not so desirable bases in that mix, as well. The bases that we’d want from this selection are not as close to home for us we’d end up dealing with something very new to us: snow.  The other con to these bases is he would be gone just about as much as he is now, whereas a pilot training assignment means he might deploy, but when he’s not, he would actually be home and have a real schedule.

I know I’m way too picky and that my pros and cons here are a blue sky situation where the military is a perfect world. It’s definitely not. I just like lists. So, the question is… Do we take the known, or roll the dice for the unknown?

The other factor in play here is that since he has a January date, he falls into both the fall and winter assignment cycles, so there’s a small chance they could wait for the winter cycle to give him orders (and possibly the base he wants), but we don’t get a say in that *bows to assignment Gods*. In addition, if they had him wait, he would most likely have to deploy with his current squadron again before the move date.

 It’s just frustrating. Sorry if this all sounds like incoherent rambling, sometimes it just helps to write things down. The hardest part for me is that I just don’t want to move. Either way, at this point, it won’t be the place we really wanted to be. 

Thanks

I thought with this being Memorial Day, it would be a good time for this entry. Many thanks to those who serve and the strong families behind them.  

“Don’t you want to bring your Mess Dress for formal night?” I asked as we were packing for our recent cruise. “No, I don’t think there’s room,” he answered, “Besides, I’ll feel weird about it, like I’m trying to get attention or something. I’d rather just wear my new suit.”

For those that don’t know, “mess dress” is the formal version of my husband’s uniform. When he first got it, we laughed quite a bit because it has epaulets and he looks a bit like a missing cast member from Master and Commander with Russell Crowe (made even funnier as it is not a Navy uniform). Plus, on a recent deployment he had a few suits custom made. (Apparently it’s quite affordable to buy custom suits in certain countries.)

I knew the main reason he didn’t want to bring his mess dress was that he was looking forward to having a place to wear his new suits. We were also flying out for this cruise (because it was Alaska) which is something we usually don’t have to do so luggage space was scarce… But he rarely wears his uniform of any kind when he doesn’t have to. Why? I think he just feels awkward from the attention.

I asked him about it once and he said, “I think it’s a great thing for the enlisted guys to do. They deserve the attention and people offering to buy them a beer for their hard work.” He mentioned that as an officer, he just feels weird. He doesn’t mind using the military discounts, he’s just quiet about it. Whenever someone thanks him for his service, he smiles and shakes their hand, and says something quiet like “yeah” or “sure”. He doesn’t talk a lot about his service, that’s just the way he is.  He’s never been the show off… That was always me:)

Although, I will say, I understand it. Sometimes people will thank me too and it is weird. It’s not that I don’t appreciate it… It’s just that I don’t really do anything. Ok, I complain… Kind of a lot… but otherwise, I don’t do much. Plus, sometimes the military will have just done something to really tick me off and I’ll stand there trying to look grateful and attempting to refrain from going into one of my rants like I do on here.

I’ve found over the past few years that military members seem to appreciate the acknowledgement but are very humble. These are people who don’t do this job for the thanks or the money.

This weekend, while you’re at a BBQ with family and friends, just take a moment to remember why that is. Once again, thanks to all who serve or have served.

Top Secret

Most military pilots have high security clearance. While some pilots use it all the time in their jobs, for others, it’s not often that it’s used and they generally don’t have special information. My husband rarely does anything top secret, I think in the case of a lot of pilots, it’s there just in the event it might be needed. In fact, every few years, he has to get clearance again, so they interview me along with other family and friends… I’ve often thought this would be a really great time to have a little fun and say some crazy (not true) things during the interview… But something tells me it could be a bad idea.

It’s only happened once or twice so far, but sometimes he’ll fly a mission he can’t talk about.  If I read the news, I can usually put 2 and 2 together and figure it out, but even then, he can’t really confirm it.

Sometimes pilots have to “sit alert.” This means that they must be within 25 minutes of the base at all times and usually have to sleep in a hotel/dorm on base if they don’t live there. The idea behind this is that should an emergency arise, a crew is ready to take off and leave immediately. Alert crews aren’t launched often, but when they are, it’s usually an order from somewhere high up. Near a base, you can usually spot an alert crew member by the utility belt of communication tools they have on- that includes a large cell phone and pager.

It’s incredibly inconvenient when your husband has to sit alert. At our current base, alert starts on a Friday and lasts until the following Friday. Any plans have to be within a few minutes of the base (not easy when you consider some base locations) and they can’t be during rush hour at all. The positive side to sitting alert is that when it’s over, he has the whole weekend free and can’t be called to work, which I appreciate.

 These are the missions they can’t talk about if they get launched… In fact, the most important flight of my husband’s career is something he can’t talk about. He can’t even list it as an accomplishment for his file. It also can’t be used for promotions, awards, etc. I’m not even sure his commander knows about that flight... Nice, huh?

We were on vacation when we heard about the team that took out Osama Bin Laden, so I know it’s old news now, but I wanted to mention it. It’s also why I bring up security clearance. There’s a very good chance people will never know who was on that team. I can’t always see why the military does certain things, but this is one time I can. There’s just too much risk involved. I’m pretty sure there were multiple pilots involved who are not Navy SEALs (someone has to transport people and supplies). I'm sure they can't talk about the mission at all but, I’m willing to bet the wives of those soldiers were able to figure out if their husbands were involved.

Even if they weren’t supposed to tell their wives… I bet they know anyway:)