The Numbers

I’ve mentioned this a few times, but I really hate the phrase, “this is what you signed up for.” Mostly because I didn’t sign up for anything, I got married. It also bothers me because if you ask my husband and quite a few others out there, they may have signed up for this, but they didn’t know exactly what they got themselves into.

I’m awful with numbers, but my husband was asked to do the math on exactly how many days he’s spent overseas on this assignment. The numbers were a little shocking. Since starting this assignment in January 2008, he’s officially spent 460 days overseas. If you add in time away domestically for training classes, etc it adds over 90 additional days to that number. Yes, the total number overseas includes 2 deployments, but those were only a little over 120 days for each deployment. The rest of those days were trips where the military sent him to fly overseas, often at the last minute.

This means that in a little over 3 years, he’s spent more than a year overseas. Crazy, huh?

While I know he did sign up for the military, I don’t think he signed up for that.

 I am aware that some military members deploy for a year at a time, but when they are not deployed, they’re home. That’s usually not the case with flight crews, but I do realize that we have it easier than many other soldiers and their families do.

Update: Last week, I was concerned because they pushed back the start date of the class that is necessary for his next assignment. I was upset that he may have to do yet another deployment (and miss his 3^rd Christmas in 4 years) because of the date change. As of right now, his class date has been pushed back less than 2 months, I had panicked because they originally said it could be as many as 4 or 5 months. This means there’s a good chance he will not have to deploy again before we leave his current assignment. (Fingers crossed it stays that way!) The assignment people said his commander called them personally to check on things, which I thought was pretty nice. Special thanks to everyone for thinking of us last week, you have no idea how much we appreciate it.

In case you’re keeping track of the numbers… This class is domestic, but 4 months long. Add that to at least 90 days of other domestic training classes plus 460 days overseas (That’s as of right now, he will probably fly more overseas missions before we move). So the total days gone since January 2008 (both foreign and domestic) will equal out to more than 2 years away by the time we move around April 2012.

 I’ve never been good with math but I don’t think anyone signs up for numbers like those.

Set in Stone

I wasn’t sure if I should post this entry this week. It just feels a bit petty and self-centered after the events of last week. I went back and forth over the past few days and even tried to come up with something else to write, but I couldn’t and decided to post what I already had. Please take a moment this week to remember those soldiers and their family members.  

“With the military nothing is ever set in stone.” This is one of the phrases I hear on a regular basis. I really hate this phrase. It’s second only to “this is what you signed up for.” When your husband is a pilot or on a flight crew, you are always hearing about how nothing is ever certain with the military. This is not only irritating, but it makes it nearly impossible to make any plans.

This phrase became way overused during the last deployment. First it was because they ended up being deployed a few days earlier than expected. That was upsetting because you think you have time and suddenly you don’t. It was made even more challenging by the return.

They were projected to get back right on time and we were told to prepare for it by “cleaning our houses and picking out the perfect outfit to wear.” (Seriously?) Then, a few days before the return, we were told they would be returning late. They were now projected to get home a week later than the expected return date and 3 days after the “latest possible return date”. To say I was annoyed was an understatement. Of course, I had the privilege of hearing that phrase I love so much over and over that week.

I found out why they were late returning home- apparently, someone forgot to secure diplomatic clearance for the charter plane bringing them home. Really? How do you forget something like that? It’s kind of a big deal. If this was the real world someone would have been fired, but alas, it’s not, and as everyone continued to remind me, “nothing is set in stone with the military.”

This week, that phrase is once again rearing its ugly head. My husband was supposed to leave for a 4 month class in October that will be necessary to his next assignment. This was exciting because he’d get to skip his squadron’s next 4 month deployment, which also starts in October. (It’s also part of why we agreed to this assignment.) He recently got a call saying his class date has been pushed back. This means, there’s a possibility he’ll still have to go for half the deployment and then go to the class. Of course, the half of the deployment he might have to go for would mean another missed Christmas.

Needless to say, I am a little frustrated. My husband says that things like this make him feel like Charlie Brown and the military is Lucy pulling the football away at the last minute. We’re trying to stay optimistic and not let it get to us until we know more. As everyone keeps reminding me, though, “nothing is ever set in stone with the military.” Lesson learned.

I should add, I do feel a bit ashamed for getting so annoyed over something so small considering the events of last week. I realize that 31 people received an unwelcome knock on the door and will never get to see a loved one again. My thoughts and prayers go out to those families.

Don't Ask Don't Tell

In honor of the state of New York’s first week gay marriages, I thought it would be a good time for this post. I really try to stay away from discussing politics because people get very passionate about these things, but this is something I have trouble being quiet about.  Please note, I am not trying to start arguments here. It’s just my opinions and observations.

I started singing around the age of 12. I went to a performing arts high school and I was a theatre major in college. In addition, I’ve worked for the same company for 13 years and they provide same sex domestic partnership benefits. I’ve grown up having quite a few friends who are gay. I even had 2 readers at my Catholic wedding who were gay- one of them was my husband’s uncle and the other was one of my best friends. I don’t think there should be a difference in straight rights vs. gay rights, this is about human rights.

In my opinion, it’s time for Don’t Ask Don’t Tell to be gone completely. I realize it’s on the way out, but the military is still telling soldiers not to come out “just in case”. I understand the need to be cautious, but I think it’s time. There are always going to be people who are small minded when it comes to those who are “different,” but I don’t know if that can be helped. If someone is willing to die for their country, why should their sexual orientation matter? My husband and I have talked about this a lot and he agrees with me.

For the closed minded people who think they’re going to be hit on or harassed by having gays in the military… I assure you, the chances of that happening are pretty slim. However, I do applaud the confidence of these people. You must be quite a catch to be so sure that everyone wants you! I’m actually more concerned that those who are openly gay would continue to be discriminated against. The armed forces of other nations (including Israel) allow gays in their military and it doesn’t seem to be an issue.

I think part of the problem is that people get too caught up in the nomenclature. I think if people stopped focusing on phrases like gays in the military and gay marriage and started focusing on the word equality instead, things seem less complicated. I guess not everyone thinks that way, though…

Aside from the fact that everyone deserves equal rights, I also have a selfish reason for wanting DADT gone. I’d personally like to see things get a little more fabulous. Not from a military standpoint, but for the spouses. I would totally start going to the spouse activities if they started including same sex partners! And why couldn’t they? They include girlfriends in the spouse activities. Oh, and it would be really awesome if someone’s partner became the “lead spouse”! I might actually want to comply with things :)

To quote one of my favorite actors, Neil Patrick Harris, on the first day of gay marriage in New York: “800 and some gay couples got married in New York yesterday. And the world didn’t end.” I don’t think the world will end if we allow people who are gay to serve their country either.

Ok, I’ll step down from my soapbox now :)

I exist!

If you haven’t guessed by now, I’m not what you would call an involved military wife. Sure, I send my husband care packages and support him even when I disagree with stuff, but I don’t really get involved. All my life, I’ve been someone who gets involved, but I’ve just never really had the desire to get involved in the spouse organization.

My lack of involvement has turned into something of legends, I think, because people always seem surprised when they meet me. Maybe it’s rare that wives don’t get involved or something? We’ve just never been the types to spend Friday nights at the officer’s club hobnobbing with other pilots and their wives.

The “legend” started when my husband was in pilot training in Oklahoma. Pilot training hours are long and tedious and we both hated that place. He was always in class, so there wasn’t much for me to do. At his pilot training graduation, he would introduce me to his classmates and they would sort of raise their eyebrows and say something like, “Oh, pleased to finally meet you.”

We sat down for the graduation rewards dinner and I was seated next to a female member of my husband's training class. She was built petite, but very athletic looking with cropped hair and no make-up. I introduced myself to her and she replied in a voice that reminded me of a young P.E. teacher, “Wow. Nice to see you actually exist. I mean, no offense, but it’s not like you’re ever around.”

First off, I hate it when people say “no offense”, because it means they’re about to say something offensive and it seems they think that phrase should excuse whatever rude thing comes out of their mouth. Second, what a thing to say to someone you just met! Seriously? I smiled and replied with, “well, I like to keep people guessing.” She rolled her eyes and went back to talking with her weird family.

And they were weird. They brought their own to go boxes for the dinner. I’m all for bringing home leftovers, but this dinner was served banquet style like a wedding or convention dinner. Not something you typically bring home a doggy bag from. (Not to mention that convention food really isn’t the greatest.) Also, their understanding of “dressy attire” included denim. I know, these things seem petty, but noticing them made me feel better about myself at the time.

I found out later that this particular pilot came in just behind my husband in the point standings of their pilot training class. Your class standing helps determine the assignment you’ll get out of pilot training… She apparently really wanted the assignment my husband got and obviously she got something else. 

At our current base, I also try to avoid getting involved, mostly because it causes incessant emails and phone calls from the “lead spouse” and the “key spouses.” I’ve never been someone who tries to fly under the radar, but I find myself doing that more lately. This goes against the overachieving theatre kid in me, but I don't mind. I may not be someone who is super involved, but I assure you, I exist.

It's that time of year again...

When you grow up in Florida, there are no snow days from school. There are, however, hurricane days. In 29 years, I’ve lived through more hurricanes than I can remember. There were 3 in 2004, alone. It’s something you get used to.

While hurricanes are definitely something you should take seriously, I notice people who aren’t used to them, tend to really panic over them. The good news is, you can be prepared and if you live near a coastal community, chances are your local weather authorities will know well in advance when a hurricane is coming. This gives you time to prepare or evacuate the area. I’ve found it’s better to be a little prepared in advance, though, because when a warning is issued, the stores are packed with people buying water and batteries.

At our current base, hurricanes are possible (a major storm devastated one beach community about 45 minutes from here years ago), but they don’t happen nearly as often as they do in Florida. So every year, about this time, I start getting the emails saying I need to give the spouse organization my contact information and evacuation plans in the event of a hurricane. Then, with every storm (doesn’t matter if it’s a hurricane, tropical storm or tropical depression) I start to get panicked emails and phone calls from the spouse organization about the “hurricane”. As a side note, there is quite a difference between a tropical depression, tropical storm, and a hurricane; but the spouse organization insists on calling them all hurricanes. This bothers me because I feel the improper nomenclature here causes somewhat unnecessary panic.

I also start getting badgering calls that I need to “report in.” These are usually at an ungodly hour on a weekend whether the “hurricane” has hit here or not. Sometimes they are even when a hurricane has hit multiple states away, which I don’t get.

In Florida, while we take these things seriously, we also find ways to have fun. It’s not uncommon for some Floridians to look forward to throwing a hurricane party. Usually this means “hunkering down” with friends at someone’s house who you know doesn’t lose power or water during a major storm. Someone always thinks to bring some kind of adult beverage, as well.  In Key West, the locals don’t even evacuate for a storm because the roads would be too crowded getting out of there. They get the tourists out and prepare for the storm.

Once, the “lead spouse” was panicking about a tropical storm (that she kept calling a hurricane and never actually hit. We didn’t even get rain bands from it.). I made the joke that in Florida we have hurricane parties and all you need is a little rum for a good hurricane. To which she replied that I should take things more seriously. It was at this moment that I chose not to quote “it’s five o’clock somewhere” and ask what Jimmy Buffett would do... Although, I have a feeling I know what he would do. Maybe I should take things more seriously, but I just don’t see any reason to cause unnecessary panic. There’s a difference between prepared and panicked.

Not a Domestic Diva

I will never be Suzy Homemaker. I’ve always known that. I love Martha Stewart, but I don’t have the kind of patience needed for some of those projects.

 Rather than a frilly, pretty apron, mine is black and says, “We all have to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another glass of wine.” I’m a pretty good cook, not necessarily a great cook, but some things I do really well. My sour cream pound cake (a recipe from my grandmother) is legendary among our family and friends during the holidays. I don’t really even like pound cake, but it’s that good. Honestly, though, sometimes it’s just easier to make a package of break and bake cookies or pick up a pie from Publix. (The best grocery store bakery. Ever.) I don’t plan out a week’s worth of meals in advance because sometimes I’ll find I’m just not in the mood for what I’ve planned to make. My house is always clean, but sometimes can get a little messy. I think that’s how most people are, though.

I have noticed that quite a few other military wives love to show off their skills, and some of them have a really good reason to. I’ll never forget the day another military couple we knew asked us over to grill out. I don’t remember what we were having, but it was pretty standard grill fare and a few sides. Since I was a guest, I thanked the couple and complimented them on the meal.

To this, my husband thanked them also and added, “we’ll have to have you all over sometime.” Then the wife of the other couple looked at my husband sympathetically and said to me in a sweet voice, “You know, Lindsey, if you want I can show you my easy cookbooks.”

Seriously? What do you even say to that?

I was so taken aback at that comment I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to tell her that she had obviously not had the pleasure of trying my pound cake… But instead I added in an equally sweet tone, “Oh, thank you! I actually have quite a few easy cookbooks of my own at home.”

I may not be a domestic diva, but I do have some skills. What can I say? I like to keep people guessing :)

The truth about pilots

My husband really is not a fan of the film, Top Gun.  Don’t get him started on why “Goose wouldn’t have died”. You will lose. Aside from the inaccuracies about flying and the military, he hates the cheesy moments we all love about Top Gun.  He cringes whenever “you’ve lost that loving feeling” comes on the radio.

Last week, I understood how he feels, as I was inspired to write after seeing Green Lantern. I just had a hard time believing that the chick from Gossip Girl is a fighter pilot. I think the purple aliens are a little more believable. I watched an interview with her where she described her part in the film and she said, “We play like the 2 best fighter pilots in the world.” Seriously?

It got me thinking about some common misconceptions about pilots… So here goes:

-If you’ve played flight simulator on Play Station, you can land a plane- Eh, I guess it couldn’t hurt, but being a pilot takes tons of studying and practice. There’s all kinds of math that goes into it, and it just looks confusing. A large amount of people do not graduate from pilot training.

- Being a fighter pilot is glamorous- not really. Sure, it’s a pretty badass job to have, but fighter pilots get serious hemorrhoids. (Yes, you read that correctly.) Apparently to work with the high G forces they deal with there is a “straining maneuver” they have to use and they’re commonly treated for hemorrhoids as a result. Sexy, huh?

- Every pilot gets a cool call sign/ nickname- Nope, just fighter pilots and they’re not usually cool nicknames, like Maverick… Maybe more like Goose. They are generally a reminder of something embarrassing you did in pilot training. My husband doesn’t have a call sign because he’s a cargo pilot, but they did call him Milhouse (from The Simpsons) in pilot training because he wears glasses and always knows the answers. One example is, apparently there is a pilot who lost his ring finger in an accident and has the call sign “Shocker.” (No, I'm not going to explain it.) Other call signs can be pretty R rated and the thought of typing them here makes me blush.

- You get used to all things flying- not so much. You get pretty bad gas from all of the constant air pressure. This goes for everyone who flies, but military pilots spend a lot of time in the air. Also, on some planes, rather than having a bathroom, just have a closet with a tube and a bucket with a plastic liner. Clearly designed by a dude.

- Anyone can be a pilot- Again, not really. First off, the physical to just go to pilot training is intense! (They took 9 vials of blood, the thought of which, just makes me want to cry.) There are all kinds of crazy restrictions. Some are pretty common knowledge like vision requirements, but there are other weird ones like height restrictions. If you’ve ever been diagnosed with any chronic medical conditions, you’ll have to get all kinds of waivers to go to pilot training.

- Being a pilot takes you to exotic places- Only once in a while. Most of the major pilot training bases are in locations I never care to visit and some, I pray we’ll never have to go back to again. (I’m talking to you, Enid, Oklahoma!) Sure, once you’re a pilot you can go a few cool places, but sometimes it means yet another trip to the desert to drop off mattresses. You can count on being away pretty much all the time.

So pretty much, when it comes to pilots, if you’ve seen it in a movie, there’s a less glamorous side, I assure you. There are multiple other things I could comment on, but this entry would be quite long, so perhaps I’ll write more on this in the future. Special thanks to my husband for always making comments during movies with flight scenes that make me laugh… And for checking this entry for me, so I got my facts right :)