The Unexpected

Sorry it's been a while. This is kind of a long one...

 

In the military, it’s practically a crime if you don’t have children right away. Since we got married at the age of 23 (Well, I was 5 days away from my 23^rd birthday) and were right out of college, we thought it would be best to wait. This really bothered other military wives. They didn’t understand that we wanted to be financially stable and travel some. We had our lives all planned out, but there was something we weren’t prepared for…

Just over 2 years ago we decided to start thinking about having children. Since my husband is a pilot, he was gone a lot, so we figured we were just having timing issues. After about a year, my body stopped functioning the way it’s supposed to each month. I ruled out the obvious, and I assumed it was from the stress of the holidays and some international travel that I had done. I waited for 3 months, but I realized something wasn’t right.

My doctor also ruled out pregnancy and ordered some blood work and an ultrasound. The blood work came back normal, but the ultrasound revealed I had Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). Basically it means that I get tiny cysts that can prevent ovulation. It also explained a few persistent pounds I had put on that were not coming off. He explained that this could complicate getting pregnant, but there were things we could do. My first question was, “Did I do something wrong?” My doctor answered, “Absolutely not.”

I received this diagnosis the day before hosting a baby shower for my sister. While I was thrilled for her, it was definitely a challenge not to come up with a smart ass answer when the older ladies at her shower asked, “Why don’t you have children, Lindsey?”

I started on low doses of Clomid and Metformin to assist with ovulation. They weren’t bad, but I did get a little moody and they didn’t always agree with my stomach. After a few months, it was time for another trip back to the doctor. Since we had been in the process of moving during my diagnosis, I was still seeing my doctor in Florida, which meant a 10 hour drive and balancing work on top of the travel.

My doctor scheduled another ultrasound and more blood work that had to be done on a specific day in my cycle. I had planned to drive back from Florida that day and while my job is flexible, I take it seriously and I don't think I've ever called in sick over the last 5 years. Everyone knew I was in Florida for a long weekend but didn’t know why… So asking for someone to cover for me could potentially look like I was trying to extend my long weekend. I went in for the tests in the morning, and made the long drive back that afternoon. I was tired, but I was determined.

 After that round of tests, my doctor increased the doses of my medications, but warned “If after 3 months this doesn’t work, we’ll have to talk about other options.” From my research, I knew that meant the hardcore fertility treatments. After discussing it, my husband and I decided we couldn’t handle injections. (Well, I couldn't handle getting them and he couldn't handle giving them to me.) We also discussed how we would be more than happy to adopt, but that can be a long road, as well. In the mean time, I started going to acupuncture because I had read good things about it when it comes to fertility. I am terrified of needles, but I didn’t mind this and today I swear by it.

 I didn’t feel the need to broadcast my challenges and I really tried hard not to complain, but it was frustrating watching people without issues. And while I tried to always stay positive, it was hard to understand why the universe would give someone like Snooki a baby while others struggle.

 The month before, I was 9 days late (which I thought was a little cruel of the universe), so when I was 1 day late I didn’t think much of it. I decided to test anyway, I mean, how else will Clearblue Easy stay in business, right? The test came back positive. In disbelief, I took another test (Ok 4 to be exact) all with the same results.

 My doctor confirmed the results right before Thanksgiving. We told our families and a few very close friends at Christmas, but I was hesitant to tell anyone else because I’d read people with PCOS have higher risks. Since I’m officially 20 weeks and we know for sure I am having a girl, we figured we could go public :)

I’m sure some people will say we “decided” to have a baby because others we know have had them recently, but we know that it took 2 years and a little bit of a miracle. Many women go through so much more than we did and I can’t imagine what that is like. When we finally did tell people I was surprised at how many women had similar challenges, because it’s something you just don’t talk about. The few stories I did hear before our success kept me motivated and positive.

Part of me wonders what would have happened if we hadn’t waited, but then I think about all of the amazing adventures we’ve had… We’ve seen the ruins of Pompeii and Carthage. We’ve been able to tour the Sistine Chapel and see glaciers in Alaska. We’ve been swimming with dolphins, beluga whales, and sea lions (Oh, my!). Last year, I even got to sail a transatlantic voyage aboard a brand new cruise ship. People have said our adventures are over, but we have no plans to stop and honestly… I think the adventures are just beginning :)

Angry Birds

I thought calamities only happened when my husband was on a trip… Apparently, they can happen anytime. A few weeks ago, I felt like maybe I should be on one of those shows on Animal Planet.

 Our new neighborhood is really nice. There is a pool and a gym within walking distance of our house, so I am loving it.

 Since, it’s readily available and this is the off season for my job, I’ve been visiting the gym. Plus, the young student pilot’s wives who hang out at the pool look like they’ve stepped off the cover of a fitness magazine… But I digress.

 I’ve been happily walking back and forth to the gym each day, since it’s so close. The other day, on my way there, I noticed this bird kept flying really close to me but I didn’t think much of it and went on with my work out.

 On the way back, was another story. I passed the same building where I noticed the bird, but this time, he was making a loud noise and flying really close to me. Before I knew it, he was dive bombing me! Now, I have been attacked by mocking birds who have a nest nearby, but this was a little sparrow! This bird literally chased me down the street. When I told my husband he just laughed, but after walking the dog down there, he also confirmed that there was indeed, an angry bird present.

All weekend, I would drive past and see the little bird keeping an eye out. It appeared to have a nest under an eave of an empty townhouse on my street. When Monday rolled around, I was dreading my walk to the gym because it scared the bejeesus out of me to be chased by this thing. I was starting to feel like Tippi Hedren, knowing this bird would be there as I rounded the corner. I decided to jog in hopes that the bird wouldn’t notice, but alas, he saw me and managed to get one good dive in before I reached the gym.

On my way back from the gym, I decided to just run, which is something I avoid like the plague. I work on cardio, because hey, it’s the first rule of Zombieland but I see no reason to run until the actual zombie apocalypse… Here I go again, getting off topic… So that little bird once again chased me down the street.

I’d only just escaped (the bird must have a “territory” or something) when a student pilot came out of his house and said, “Hey… everything ok?” I was tempted to yell, “we’re under attack!” but as previously mentioned, the bird had retreated, so I just looked ridiculous. I gave him a red faced smile (I am not cute when I run) and an out of breath “hello” and continued on my way.

 This was the week that I was also attacked by ants (another story) and jumped on by a giant dog… My best friend said I need to have my own show, “When Animals Attack Lindsey.” Needless to say, even though it’s within walking distance I have been driving to the gym ever since.

New base!

So, it’s been a while, huh? It's been a busy few months! We moved to our new base, so getting settled has been an adventure. Here’s a little bit about that…

 It’s definitely a small town, but it’s nice having my husband home more than a few days at a time. It’s also nice to be able to make plans and not have to cancel them! A few weeks ago, we went to a concert. Together. It was fantastic. I know that probably doesn’t sound like much, but at the previous base if we wanted to make plans, he would have to use leave days, even on regular days off and base holidays. Pilots don’t get regular days off.

 As usual, we live off base. The base housing here seems way nicer than any other base we’ve been to, but we still have no desire to live on base for a variety of reasons. The new place is nice, more room than we need, but it works out well. We were able to put our adorable little house up for rent with a property manager and it was rented after only 2 weeks on the market! Since I was raised Catholic, I buried Saint Joseph in the front yard. I know that’s supposed to be more for selling your home, but I figured we needed all the help we could get in this market and the house did rent really fast! I don’t know anything about the tenants (people keep asking me this), it’s why we have a property manager… We’re not “landlord” types.

 The thing I miss most is probably decent shopping. When you grow up in Florida, you know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix and the nearest one to us is an hour away now. The Kroger here is kind of sad, and the commissary on base is really small. There is a good farmer’s market, though. I also miss the amazing outlet mall… The mall here is kind of limited, so I will need to do some shopping when I visit home (Florida) or my wardrobe may start to suffer.

 Miraculously, nothing was damaged in the move! The one really nice thing about moving with the military is they do almost all of it for you. Some people elect to try to move themselves and the military will reimburse. (You can actually make some decent money this way if you’re smart about it.) However, we are lazy and if we had to pack ourselves, we’d give up half way through.

 Another thing to be thankful for is my job. Since I telecommute, I can work anywhere and my leaders and team mates have been so incredibly supportive of me! I really can’t thank them enough!

 I don’t want to speak too soon, but I haven’t been contacted by the spouse association here, which is amazing.

 There may not be a ton to do here, like our last base, but at least it’s close to things, which helps. At our last base, it was estimated that my husband spent 2 out of the 4 years we were there away from home, I am looking forward to having him around a little more :) The next update will be a little more fun, I promise…

Dodging a Bullet

Sorry, it’s been a while...

Every once in a while something happens to help you realize you made the right decision. I think life has a way of showing you how you dodged a bullet. Just before the holidays, we were reminded that we made the right choice.

As previously mentioned, we are moving in April. The location is not my favorite, but I don’t think any base will ever quite compare to the one we’re currently at. The new base is not the worst location, but it’s not the best, either. I love the town we live in, and I will be sad when we move, but I’m starting to feel a little better about it.

Shortly after my husband had committed to this new assignment, the pilot who arrived here a few weeks after him and has the exact same training and qualifications was selected as a non-volunteer to a base in Oklahoma. Meaning this pilot is being forced to move as an instructor. Basically if my husband hadn’t taken this assignment, he would have been next in line.  

If you know me well, you know that I really did not care for living in Oklahoma. Nothing personal to the people of that state, I just was so not a fan of the 2 pilot training base locations. (Oklahoma City was very nice, but it was a few hours away.)

Both pilot training locations are in very small towns. I have nothing against a small town, in fact, our next base will be in a small town (and we actually live in a small town outside of a larger city), but Oklahoma was my own personal form of torture. It was just miles of nothing. I’m a pretty cheerful person, but I was miserable there. Even my happy-go-lucky husband described it as “Grapes of Wrath depressing.”

I think a major part of that stems from the fact that it rained for 20 days straight when we lived there. I am talking non-stop rain for nearly a month. Where I am from, it rains every afternoon in the summer, but then it stops. This Florida girl needs to see the sun once in a while, so I don’t go crazy!

Also,I was a theatre kid, but listening to people sing Oklahoma! to me while I was stuck there stopped being amusing real fast.

I can’t say I’ve ever experienced real depression in my life, but I wasn’t in a good place when we lived in Oklahoma. It wasn’t for long, but being so far from family, friends, and the ocean combined with no sunshine, was not a good mix for me. I was certain, at the time, that this was the circle that Dante forgot.

I’m hopeful that the next assignment will be good, but no matter what, I will try to remember: “We’re together and it’s not Oklahoma.”

The hardest part

This entry is not the usual attempt at being funny…

The hardest part about being a military wife is that you sometimes have to face difficult situations alone. I don’t mind dealing with car repairs or appliances that attack me, but there have been times that I just needed him there.

About this time last year, my husband was sitting alert, yet again. This meant that he had to be within 30 minutes of the base at all times and he had to sleep at a dorm on base. It was close to 11pm and I was settling into bed when my phone rang. I noticed on the caller ID that it was my sister, which was odd, because she usually just sends a text. “Linds?” said a shakey voice. “Memom just passed away.” Memom is my grandmother. She was 91 and had lived with my parents since I was a kid. She had been in the hospital that week, but we were told not to worry because she was expected to recover just fine. I know she had lived a long life, but I hadn’t been expecting this call.

My sister thought ahead and called my husband before she called me. She knew I was alone that night and thought I should have someone there. My husband probably wasn’t supposed to leave the base, but I was so grateful he did. It’s never easy to deal with news like that, but it’s especially hard when you’re alone. He let me cry myself out for the night and stayed as long as he could. After that, my overprotective little dog never left me. It’s funny how your pets just know when something isn’t right.

The funeral was in Pennsylvania, where my family is from originally and where my grandmother had already made some arrangements long before we moved to Florida. I started making plans to go to the funeral. Alone.

Since my husband was sitting alert, no one could take over for him without all kinds of drama. Apparently, the death of your wife’s grandmother is not important enough for the military to replace someone on alert or give out emergency leave. That was rough.

I am used to answering the same questions with a smile about my life and where my husband is over and over. I am a pro at going stag to weddings and I’ve even been to a few funerals alone with no problem, but this just felt wrong. It seemed heartless, somehow.

At the funeral, it came time to say goodbye, and in that moment, I would have given anything to have him there. It was one of those times where your arms feel out of place on your own body, because it’s a moment like that when they’re meant to be holding someone.

I usually find humor in awkward situations, because, let’s face it… I am really good at putting myself in them, but this was a challenge for me. I generally get over the things and it becomes a funny story, but this is one instance I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do that. I realize they can’t give everyone every funeral off (especially when half the squadron is on maternity leave), but this was important.

For me, the hardest part about being a military wife is not moving, or dealing with random situations, It's facing bad news on my own. As upset as I was, I am also very fortunate, I have amazing family and friends to support me and that makes all the difference.

The Thankful Blog

I’m a few days late posting this one, but I figured it was time to update. I realize I complain. A lot. I figured it was time to post a few of the things I’m thankful for as a military wife. Here’s my list:

-          I’m thankful for affordable healthcare. There is free healthcare for military dependents, but I chose the option that costs a little extra because I’m picky about the doctors I see and I travel a lot. This also includes inexpensive prescriptions.

-          I’m thankful for housing. We have never lived on base, but we’ve always had nice places thanks to the housing allowances. In 2008 we bought our first home with the help of a VA loan.

-          Per Diem- Yes, my husband is gone a lot, but the extra adds up. One pilot on base drives an Aston Martin with a license plate that says “per diem.”

-          Tax free- Again, it’s no fun that my husband is gone a lot, but if pilots spend 1 day in a designated combat zone, they don’t pay taxes for that entire month. It adds up. I’m also grateful for the amazing vacations that we’ve been able to take thanks to the money we’ve saved.

-          Safe deployments – My husband doesn’t spend much, if any, time in those areas that you hear about on the news and I’m very thankful for that. His deployments are also usually less than 6 months, which I also appreciate very much.

-          Good friends- My friends put up with a lot and I’m not sure why they do, but I can’t thank them enough.

-          Anyone who has served or currently serves in the United States military- these people and their families make extraordinary sacrifices for this country and I am so grateful for what these soldiers and their families do.

-          Most importantly, I’m thankful for my husband. I’m blessed to have found someone who loves me for who I’ve always been. He likes that I’m independent, opinionated, and stubborn. He finds it funny when I start on one of my rants and keeps me grounded when I start to go too far. His laugh is contagious. He truly is my better half, and for that, and so many other things, I am so thankful.

Email Jail

I telecommute to work, so I am a big fan of email. In fact, I’m probably a little addicted to it. I love getting email, even the work related kind. (Well, the fact that I love my job helps that.) There are some emails, however, I am not a fan of. When I get those, over and over, I joke that I'm in "email jail."

It’s getting close to deployment time. Thankfully, because we’re moving in April, my husband has to attend a 4 month training class starting in December and he doesn’t have to go. My husband will still be away during this time, but he’ll be in the same country and I can visit him. He’ll also have time off for Christmas, so even though he’ll be away, it’s really nothing like a deployment.

This deployment was actually moved up a few months. They weren’t supposed to have to go until after the New Year, but someone in the military determined that a few months early was no big deal. If my husband had to go it would have been his 3^rd missed Christmas in 4 years. When I first heard this, I was crushed, and even though he no longer has to go, I still feel for those families.

Since it’s pre-deployment time, the onslaught of emails has started. One day, I got 7 emails in less than an hour about the pre-deployment meeting. That doesn’t include the 5 I got later in the week leading up to the meeting. I feel like that’s just excessive. Though my husband has deployed twice from here, I’ve never actually been to this meeting. Mostly because they always announce it last minute (and some of us work), but also because I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to go.

After the first one I missed, I told my husband I felt bad for not going and his reply was: “Don’t feel bad, it would have just ticked you off, Linds. They talk a lot about how to pay your bills and things like that.” I replied with, “Wait… There are grown and married people who don’t know how to pay their bills? What year do they think this is?” To which he answered with a patient smile, “See, it’s a good thing you didn’t go.” He knows me too well.

Now the really cheerful emails are starting. My favorites are the “do you have your affairs in order?” emails. These are the ones reminding you to get power of attorney and have your wills made. (We took care of that before his first deployment, but it’s still depressing to read it over and over.) It’s also a little sad that by the age of 25, I had learned all about these things and even more happy thoughts, like living wills. Thanks, Military.

I may not be the biggest fan of the spouse organization here, but I will be thinking of those wives this month. Deployment, even if only for a few months, is a dreadful thing and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. We got lucky this time, but I realize that may not be the case in the future.