The Numbers

I’ve mentioned this a few times, but I really hate the phrase, “this is what you signed up for.” Mostly because I didn’t sign up for anything, I got married. It also bothers me because if you ask my husband and quite a few others out there, they may have signed up for this, but they didn’t know exactly what they got themselves into.

I’m awful with numbers, but my husband was asked to do the math on exactly how many days he’s spent overseas on this assignment. The numbers were a little shocking. Since starting this assignment in January 2008, he’s officially spent 460 days overseas. If you add in time away domestically for training classes, etc it adds over 90 additional days to that number. Yes, the total number overseas includes 2 deployments, but those were only a little over 120 days for each deployment. The rest of those days were trips where the military sent him to fly overseas, often at the last minute.

This means that in a little over 3 years, he’s spent more than a year overseas. Crazy, huh?

While I know he did sign up for the military, I don’t think he signed up for that.

 I am aware that some military members deploy for a year at a time, but when they are not deployed, they’re home. That’s usually not the case with flight crews, but I do realize that we have it easier than many other soldiers and their families do.

Update: Last week, I was concerned because they pushed back the start date of the class that is necessary for his next assignment. I was upset that he may have to do yet another deployment (and miss his 3^rd Christmas in 4 years) because of the date change. As of right now, his class date has been pushed back less than 2 months, I had panicked because they originally said it could be as many as 4 or 5 months. This means there’s a good chance he will not have to deploy again before we leave his current assignment. (Fingers crossed it stays that way!) The assignment people said his commander called them personally to check on things, which I thought was pretty nice. Special thanks to everyone for thinking of us last week, you have no idea how much we appreciate it.

In case you’re keeping track of the numbers… This class is domestic, but 4 months long. Add that to at least 90 days of other domestic training classes plus 460 days overseas (That’s as of right now, he will probably fly more overseas missions before we move). So the total days gone since January 2008 (both foreign and domestic) will equal out to more than 2 years away by the time we move around April 2012.

 I’ve never been good with math but I don’t think anyone signs up for numbers like those.

Set in Stone

I wasn’t sure if I should post this entry this week. It just feels a bit petty and self-centered after the events of last week. I went back and forth over the past few days and even tried to come up with something else to write, but I couldn’t and decided to post what I already had. Please take a moment this week to remember those soldiers and their family members.  

“With the military nothing is ever set in stone.” This is one of the phrases I hear on a regular basis. I really hate this phrase. It’s second only to “this is what you signed up for.” When your husband is a pilot or on a flight crew, you are always hearing about how nothing is ever certain with the military. This is not only irritating, but it makes it nearly impossible to make any plans.

This phrase became way overused during the last deployment. First it was because they ended up being deployed a few days earlier than expected. That was upsetting because you think you have time and suddenly you don’t. It was made even more challenging by the return.

They were projected to get back right on time and we were told to prepare for it by “cleaning our houses and picking out the perfect outfit to wear.” (Seriously?) Then, a few days before the return, we were told they would be returning late. They were now projected to get home a week later than the expected return date and 3 days after the “latest possible return date”. To say I was annoyed was an understatement. Of course, I had the privilege of hearing that phrase I love so much over and over that week.

I found out why they were late returning home- apparently, someone forgot to secure diplomatic clearance for the charter plane bringing them home. Really? How do you forget something like that? It’s kind of a big deal. If this was the real world someone would have been fired, but alas, it’s not, and as everyone continued to remind me, “nothing is set in stone with the military.”

This week, that phrase is once again rearing its ugly head. My husband was supposed to leave for a 4 month class in October that will be necessary to his next assignment. This was exciting because he’d get to skip his squadron’s next 4 month deployment, which also starts in October. (It’s also part of why we agreed to this assignment.) He recently got a call saying his class date has been pushed back. This means, there’s a possibility he’ll still have to go for half the deployment and then go to the class. Of course, the half of the deployment he might have to go for would mean another missed Christmas.

Needless to say, I am a little frustrated. My husband says that things like this make him feel like Charlie Brown and the military is Lucy pulling the football away at the last minute. We’re trying to stay optimistic and not let it get to us until we know more. As everyone keeps reminding me, though, “nothing is ever set in stone with the military.” Lesson learned.

I should add, I do feel a bit ashamed for getting so annoyed over something so small considering the events of last week. I realize that 31 people received an unwelcome knock on the door and will never get to see a loved one again. My thoughts and prayers go out to those families.

Don't Ask Don't Tell

In honor of the state of New York’s first week gay marriages, I thought it would be a good time for this post. I really try to stay away from discussing politics because people get very passionate about these things, but this is something I have trouble being quiet about.  Please note, I am not trying to start arguments here. It’s just my opinions and observations.

I started singing around the age of 12. I went to a performing arts high school and I was a theatre major in college. In addition, I’ve worked for the same company for 13 years and they provide same sex domestic partnership benefits. I’ve grown up having quite a few friends who are gay. I even had 2 readers at my Catholic wedding who were gay- one of them was my husband’s uncle and the other was one of my best friends. I don’t think there should be a difference in straight rights vs. gay rights, this is about human rights.

In my opinion, it’s time for Don’t Ask Don’t Tell to be gone completely. I realize it’s on the way out, but the military is still telling soldiers not to come out “just in case”. I understand the need to be cautious, but I think it’s time. There are always going to be people who are small minded when it comes to those who are “different,” but I don’t know if that can be helped. If someone is willing to die for their country, why should their sexual orientation matter? My husband and I have talked about this a lot and he agrees with me.

For the closed minded people who think they’re going to be hit on or harassed by having gays in the military… I assure you, the chances of that happening are pretty slim. However, I do applaud the confidence of these people. You must be quite a catch to be so sure that everyone wants you! I’m actually more concerned that those who are openly gay would continue to be discriminated against. The armed forces of other nations (including Israel) allow gays in their military and it doesn’t seem to be an issue.

I think part of the problem is that people get too caught up in the nomenclature. I think if people stopped focusing on phrases like gays in the military and gay marriage and started focusing on the word equality instead, things seem less complicated. I guess not everyone thinks that way, though…

Aside from the fact that everyone deserves equal rights, I also have a selfish reason for wanting DADT gone. I’d personally like to see things get a little more fabulous. Not from a military standpoint, but for the spouses. I would totally start going to the spouse activities if they started including same sex partners! And why couldn’t they? They include girlfriends in the spouse activities. Oh, and it would be really awesome if someone’s partner became the “lead spouse”! I might actually want to comply with things :)

To quote one of my favorite actors, Neil Patrick Harris, on the first day of gay marriage in New York: “800 and some gay couples got married in New York yesterday. And the world didn’t end.” I don’t think the world will end if we allow people who are gay to serve their country either.

Ok, I’ll step down from my soapbox now :)