When Appliances Attack- Sprinklers

It seems that whenever your husband is away, anything that can go wrong will. I guess it’s Murphy’s law for a military wife (if you know me personally, you know why that’s particularly funny). It’s no different for me. I find myself in precarious and weird situations wondering if Ashton Kutcher is going to pop out at any moment and tell me I’ve been Punked.

It’s not that I can’t handle it, in fact, these situations make me really good at troubleshooting. If nothing else, they make entertaining stories.

My husband was deployed last summer and it was a hot one. I noticed that it hadn’t rained in a while and parts of our usually very resilient lawn were starting to get a little dried out. Not wanting a nasty letter from our incredibly vigilant homeowner’s association, I decided to water it.

The front lawn was pretty easy since there’s a sprinkler system installed. However, to turn it on, you have to use a large key to twist a knob situated in the ground under a plastic cover. I uncovered the hole and quietly yelped when a bunch of little frogs came hopping out onto my feet. I don’t have a problem with frogs, but when you’re not expecting them to jump out at you from a random hole in the ground it can be startling.

The backyard was a little trickier. For some reason, our homebuilder didn’t feel a sprinkler system would be necessary in our little backyard. I have 2 different sprinkler heads for the hose- the first one is the old school sprinkler head that ticks around in a circle. The second is the kind that shoots water up and simply goes back and forth. (This is the kind that is fun to run through when you're a kid.) I decided the second will be easier to use.

Apparently, I have chosen wrong.

I figured, you plug in the hose, turn on the water, and that’s that. Sounds easy enough, right? Wrong. I turn on the water and evidently didn’t adjust the streams right, so now I am watering my whole backyard, our backdoor neighbors backyard, our back porch, and me. I run to shut off the water and adjust the flow, and turn it back on again. Now, it’s far too small, and barely watering a few feet… If this story is sounding familiar, I assure you it doesn’t end with me finding the setting that is “just right.”

When I decide that I am tired of running back and forth to the spigot on the side of the house and I have the brilliant idea to adjust the spray while it’s still on. I wait for the right moment and then run in and adjust, but once again, it’s too much. For some reason, I continue to try this method of running and adjusting. At this point, the entire right side of my body is soaked, but amazingly, my left side stays pretty much dry. I keep this up while swearing under my breath and tripping over my now slippery flip-flops.

Just after I’ve finally given up, my backdoor neighbor comes out to do something. I’m sure she’s noticed her lawn is wet on this dry and sunny late afternoon, but she simply says hello. I turn so that my left (and mostly dry) side is facing her as I try to inconspicuously roll up the hose. We make awkward small talk as I keep the right (soaked) side of myself facing toward my house. I’m sure she’s wondering what on earth I’m doing as start walking sideways and tripping over my own feet. I wish her a pleasant evening and duck inside the house to dry off. I honestly think learning a rain dance may have been more helpful… Clearly I have issues if I'm unable to get sprinklers to work properly.

Sometimes, I can’t help but wonder if I’m on Totally Hidden Video after things like that. Surely there is a compilation of me somewhere that includes me fighting with the printer as it violently spews paper, pleading with an overflowing toilet, or spilling flour all over myself and the kitchen.

What can I say? Putting myself in odd situations is a talent of mine :)