If you know me, you know I spend a lot of time on my own. In the military, there is really no such thing as 9 to 5, but when your husband is a pilot (or on a flight crew) there is nothing close to a schedule. Even when he is not officially deployed, he could still be gone. Thankfully, most deployments for his area are short, usually just over 4 months and in relatively safe places… However, that doesn’t mean they can’t send him away during other times.
Aside from deployments, my husband also gets sent on trips. These are usually about 10 days long (but sometimes longer) and they seem to be more frequent these days. When we first started at this base, it was roughly once a month or every other month… Now it’s usually twice a month for these trips. There are plenty of times where he will get back from a trip, have the mandatory crew rest (2 or 3 days off) and be scheduled on another right away.
It’s also not something you get a lot of notice about. Sometimes he’ll get a call that he has to leave in less than 48 hours. In his job, he can’t really make plans for anything without taking leave. We no longer make reservations or buy tickets for anything in advance because of this. I actually went by myself last week to the theatre because he was sent away for 3 weeks and I really wanted to see that show.
He misses out on a lot too. This past Christmas, he was sent on a 10 day trip 3 days before Christmas… Seriously? It couldn’t have waited? It’s not like he was delivering life saving supplies. They sat in a hotel room waiting for instructions. He had Christmas eve dinner at Taco Bell. What really made me mad, was they sent him on another trip right after he got back and one of the guys (who had Christmas off) tried to and almost got out of that trip.
I’ve gone stag to more weddings than I can count. I thought being married meant I wouldn’t have to do that anymore. It also sucks when you’re sick at 3 am and have to go find an all night drug store by yourself. The worst moment was probably when I was alone this past December and found out my grandmother had passed. He had to sit alert that week (meaning he had to be on or near the base at all times) and I had to go to the funeral alone. They wouldn’t even let him leave for a death in the family.
Taking leave doesn’t always count, either. They can cancel it at any time and they do. The only thing that does seem to count is children. At this base, if your wife is due soon, or just had a baby they won’t send you on a trip. There is definitely some leniency when it comes to children, which I get.
Sometimes, it’s not so bad being on my own, though. It’s nice having time to myself once in a while. I do find it super annoying now when women complain about their husbands being gone for 4 days… I want to tell them that 4 days is a piece of cake, try 4 months.
What keeps me going is it could always be worse. It could be a year, in a dangerous combat zone. We are definitely lucky in a lot of ways.
As always, I am sure this is different at every base, this is just my experience.
i was thinking about you today when i was talking to one of my patients whose husband just got notice of 8 month deployment to afghanistan. it's his first overseas deployment. that doesn't make it worse or better. but you talking about this stuff helped me talk her through it. so thanks, on behalf of someone who has no idea you exist
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