Mrs. Independent?

This past weekend was my sister’s bridal shower. She’s getting married next month about a week before my 6^th wedding anniversary. Surrounded by all that wedding talk, I couldn’t help but think back to my own wedding…

My husband and I were good friends in high school and started dating in college. We dated 5 years before tying the knot, so he’s been putting up with me for almost 11 years total now… The man should probably be sainted. When I got married, I couldn’t have been happier but right after, I found myself clinging to my independence for dear life. Don’t get me wrong, I was so incredibly excited to marry my husband, but there were little things I never thought would be an issue. They weren’t an issue for my husband and me, just everyone else… Friends and family will always weigh in, but especially the military and the other wives.

Here are a few things that seemed to bother everyone else…

I always liked my maiden name. It was somewhat common, but not one that everyone had, and I got a fun nickname out of it. This was a bonus when your first name is Lindsey and there was at least 1 other person with that name in nearly every class of mine growing up. I hated changing my name. It’s not that my husband’s name was bad or anything, I liked it and I didn’t even have to change my monogram, but it was a little sad to let go of that piece of myself. Apparently it’s rather difficult to get things done in the military when your last name is different from your spouse.

I didn’t want to have children right away. This is one that really surprises the other wives. I want kids someday, but I didn’t want to have them right away. I was a few days away from being 23 when we got married and I was the 1^st of my friends to get married. I was just happy to enjoy time with my husband, our family, and friends. If you know me, you know my husband is gone a lot, I think that would have been really hard.

I also refused to give up my job. I’m not some big executive, I don’t do it for the money, I just like working for this company. I continued working seasonally even after we moved several hours away so I could stay with my company. People thought I was crazy, but it’s not like anyone would hire me while my husband was in pilot training and all assignments were temporary. My persistence with my job paid off and now I’m able to work from home. It’s nice to have money that is mine, but that’s not why I do this, I honestly just like working.

I also traveled on my own and stayed close with friends back home. This did not sit well with the other military wives. The idea that I was going on a girl’s weekend to the beach was outrageous. I didn’t realize getting married meant I was only allowed to travel with my husband from now on.

The big thing that was scandalous to the other wives: guy friends. I have always had a lot of guy friends. I’m not sure why, it just worked out that way. No one seemed to understand that my husband thinks it’s cool that I can hang with the guys. My gay friends were an even more controversial topic, but that’s an entry for another day.

I mentioned that I was hanging on to as much of my independent self as possible, but honestly, being a pilot’s wife forces you to be independent. I have learned to troubleshoot computer issues, car challenges, and even deal with the toilet overflowing. There are certain things I will always prefer that he handle, but it doesn’t mean I can’t. If there’s one thing being a military wife has given me (other than affordable healthcare and housing), it’s serious problem solving skills. Things happen and I deal with them. I may complain to anyone who will listen, but I know I can do it all. You can be a Mrs. and be independent.