I exist!

If you haven’t guessed by now, I’m not what you would call an involved military wife. Sure, I send my husband care packages and support him even when I disagree with stuff, but I don’t really get involved. All my life, I’ve been someone who gets involved, but I’ve just never really had the desire to get involved in the spouse organization.

My lack of involvement has turned into something of legends, I think, because people always seem surprised when they meet me. Maybe it’s rare that wives don’t get involved or something? We’ve just never been the types to spend Friday nights at the officer’s club hobnobbing with other pilots and their wives.

The “legend” started when my husband was in pilot training in Oklahoma. Pilot training hours are long and tedious and we both hated that place. He was always in class, so there wasn’t much for me to do. At his pilot training graduation, he would introduce me to his classmates and they would sort of raise their eyebrows and say something like, “Oh, pleased to finally meet you.”

We sat down for the graduation rewards dinner and I was seated next to a female member of my husband's training class. She was built petite, but very athletic looking with cropped hair and no make-up. I introduced myself to her and she replied in a voice that reminded me of a young P.E. teacher, “Wow. Nice to see you actually exist. I mean, no offense, but it’s not like you’re ever around.”

First off, I hate it when people say “no offense”, because it means they’re about to say something offensive and it seems they think that phrase should excuse whatever rude thing comes out of their mouth. Second, what a thing to say to someone you just met! Seriously? I smiled and replied with, “well, I like to keep people guessing.” She rolled her eyes and went back to talking with her weird family.

And they were weird. They brought their own to go boxes for the dinner. I’m all for bringing home leftovers, but this dinner was served banquet style like a wedding or convention dinner. Not something you typically bring home a doggy bag from. (Not to mention that convention food really isn’t the greatest.) Also, their understanding of “dressy attire” included denim. I know, these things seem petty, but noticing them made me feel better about myself at the time.

I found out later that this particular pilot came in just behind my husband in the point standings of their pilot training class. Your class standing helps determine the assignment you’ll get out of pilot training… She apparently really wanted the assignment my husband got and obviously she got something else. 

At our current base, I also try to avoid getting involved, mostly because it causes incessant emails and phone calls from the “lead spouse” and the “key spouses.” I’ve never been someone who tries to fly under the radar, but I find myself doing that more lately. This goes against the overachieving theatre kid in me, but I don't mind. I may not be someone who is super involved, but I assure you, I exist.